I See You

I sit and watch never making a sound
Never saying my thoughts.
And yet i see u and u see me.
My hands are your hands and my eyes r ur eyes
I See U
My mind is urs and urs is mine.
Our thoughts are the same and never different.
I See U
My heart is a different story because it is my life force
And it is my burden. My heart, My heart is somethig i wish will never part. So i carry your heart in my heart,
So carry my heart in ur heart because mine is urs and urs is mine.
We are linked together not for a few moments but for enternity or until the end of time.
I See U

Time passes

I was sitting over a friend house and i put in my vide yearbook and began to wach and my mind instanly started to run back to those years at nova high school, the people the different personailites. Here i am four years wiser and i start to relize that i really haven't gone through a big change as my other fellow students have. Like phillip the jock became a member of a fratenity when he use to always say he will never pertake in any of frats. Roger became a father and grew up, brittany the cheerleader became more invested in school and succeding at it. Janice the crazy dancer became a member of DST. So i guess the point i am trying to make is that time zooms by and passes you by right before your eyes. So enjoy the seconds that you are in because they past by so quickly and you can never get them back. So live for you and for others because always living for others means you might not be happy and what is the point of being in this world if you can not be happy. I habe been on this earth for 22 years and i have truely enjoyed living only for the last 6 years. Yea somethings will go wrong cause of the decison u make but you can say u had fun doing it. So ask yourself are u living in this world or just existing. I know my answer is that i am living what is your answer?

Life Happens WTF you gonna do bout it.

How many of us are guilty of letting the death of someone close to us control our lives, wither its being able to continue to be happy with our lives our unable to celebrate their favorite holiday. How many of you are guilty of letting a past mistake control you? how many of us has ever gotten rejected from something or someone you really wanted and was sad about it for a week, a month, a year, hell maybe longer? last but not least how many of you ever complain about your looks, or your weight? I Am guilty as charged of all of the above. Last night i was watching a movie called "Love Happens" and it made a lot of sense what the main character was talking about. So i woke up this morning with a compelling thought to write a note called "Life Happens"

Every day we go through our own personal lives never really realizing the outcome of our decision. Everyday someone dies, get's rejected, dumped, but we should not let that hinder us from our every day life. When my mother died on December 24, 2005 i was unaware of the impact it had on me. As o lately looking back to the past four years i realized that it did. I was unaware to enjoy the holiday season. I would lock myself up in a room or pull away from the world and just be alone. But as i sit here writing this note i ask you is that what my mother would want? or would she want me to live and go on with my life? I do a lot of things in my life and not think about the consequences because i have not morned her death, i use the excuse i live everyday to the fullest but am i really doing that or am i just running away from feeling what i am feeling. So i ask how many of you out there is doing this same thing running away from yourself so you will not feel the pain of the death/ how many of you feel sad the day the anniversary of someone death comes around. Now ask yourself would your love one want you to feel sad and stop being you, stop being the one they loved just because they died? The answer is probably no, they would want you to celebrate their life by living your own. Remember this people "Life happens" we all will die some day so celebrate live and live yours.

Have you ever did something in your past that you wish you could take back? Well i know i have actually a lot of stuff. Like for example hurting someone who i could have been loving right now. I was dating this person about four years ago and i was everything to them. However i was being young and new to the scene i did not pay any attention to them and i let them slip through my finger tips. one day a year later i am leaving the library at my school and there they were walking right by me. the next day i told one of our mutual friends to give my number to them so i could talk so them and they did we met for a while and we chatted and all these feeling arose from me that i didn't know i had. Well here we are in 2010 and they have been dating this other dude for the past four years, i found out they are happy. Hearing that really made me think that could have been me in a stable relationship. But again even though it was my fault i do not regret it because it was a stepping stone to me gaining the wisdom i have now. As of today i let that mistake go as well as passed mistakes and move on. See "Life Happens" and those very same mistakes that you made are just stepping stones to you becoming more wiser and becoming a better person no need to dwell on them and let them control you.

we can not stop it, it is what we do with it that count use it as a driving force or use it as another weight to hold you down.

So people the point i am trying to make in this note is that "Life Happens" sometimes not in the way we plan or hope for it to happen, but no matter what it does. Just as much good things happen in our lives there is a equal amount of bad you can not grow a flower with out sun and rain. Life teaches us lesson so that we can grow and learn what to do. Somethings we do not have control of but most things we do, like who we date, how we do in school, the type of life we want, and the type of person we are. But the things we can not control do not dwell on them because it is beyond you control just keep on moving into the next moments of your life because 9 times out of 10 they will be better then your last. So remember "life Happens" Wither you want it to or not, so you can either join in and celebrate the good and bad or let it past you by because life waist for no man or woman.A word of advice Mourn the losses, because they're many; but celebrate the victories, because they're few."Life Happens"

Rejected means to refuse to accept (someone or something). How many of us have been rejected before. I had my first rejection back in October of 2009. it was not from a person but from something i wanted to do since i was like the young age of 5. I remember the day i got the letter i swear i thought it was going to say you have been accepted but as i opened it and read the first three lines i felt my world crash down i went into a state of depression for about a week. Constantly questioning myself, asking y i was not good enough to be accepted looking in the mirror telling myself that i am a loser and that i am worthless. I began to eat, i was not going to class and let my hair grow i looked like a straight up bum, ask my sister Asia i didn't even recognize myself, it only lasted bout a week and i got up one morning and told myself i am worthy and if they can't see it i will show them. i took the letter and taped it to my mirror so that everyday i can remind myself that i am worthy and that i am not going to give up. You see rejection can be a good or bad thing depending on the person, like they say when one door closes another one open and it is so true. Thanks to the rejection i was able to travel more and concentrate on school and myself. So you see again people "Life Happen" and

A Decade of Reflections of An Broken Angel

As i sit here on on Tuesday December 29, 2009. i am reminded by everything about the in coming year. So i begin to reflect on this past decade. The good the bad the ugly, This past decade i have come to grow to love myself more and i began to also understand the workings of people. Over this past decade i have had some near death experiences, many deaths, a new mother come into my life and a father leave my life. I have had plenty upset as well as many down falls. However with every fall i have gotten back up and continued on my journey to find chris. So i decided to title this A Decade of Reflections of An Fallen Angel.

I started this decade at the tender age of 13, i was fresh as a teenager and brand new to middle school this was the beginning of my stage where i was learning how to co exist with older kids this was also the time when i was gonna meet my step mother and brothers and sister for the first time. I must say i was not hip to the fact that i was gonna have a step mother but i delt with it. I started school at Nova Middle I hated it so much i wanted to go to Sunrise with many of my Elementry classmates but i digress. It was during my freshman year of middle school i began down the road of depression and the cutting of my self. Not being able to fit in i was so down every day i noticed my blue sky's becoming grey. School was hard and home was even harder. The pressure to do good in school and having to share the attention with five other people was weighing on my nerves and that was when depression started, i was under the constant shadow of my older brother Carnellie that really made it harder because i was unable to make a name for myself. It was until i joined the 7th grade that i was even able to really start to stand out, i was the bomb on the track field, it was on the track that my depression really didnt bother me at all.

When i got home was when depression would kick in, alot of people had no clue, i was doing good in school, i had a great girlfriend, popular, and a track star but i was was still depressed. it all got worse After me and my girlfriend broke up and i entered high school. I attended Nova High School and it was the worse thing ever i hated it so much. Everyday i had to take a drink of Liquar in order to get through the day. I was again a track star and that was the only time i was happy me and my dad were ok and my step mom was ok at times. Depression got the best of me and my grades slipped and my wrist began to bleed. My dad was in my face constantly and my brothers shadow was over my head again but i delt and coped with it all i survived 9th and 10th grade. It wasn't until my 11th grade year that i began to come into my own happiness and the world became clear. My step mom and me were good but my dad and I not so much. You could see our relationship grow further and further apart, but it didn't worry me i was doing good in school and doing great on the track field. my name was in the paper every week everyone was proud of me, except my dad i think well i would never know he never told me my track coach told me but my own father couldn't oh well

The middle of the decade i moved out og my parents house and was my own man i finished high school happier but with the death of my mom , and best friend Donnie, but non the less i finished. I was happy with my self as well as my sexuality. i was in college i was sexy and i was the new dude on the scene and so i took miami by strom i had date after date, and i met some sweet people as well as sum ass whole but each encounter taught me something different and made me better. I was partying hard but going to class less i ended my freshman year of college with a 1.42 gpa, wasn't great but oh well i began to think that school wasn't for me so i left and moved to Atlanta and living in atl i learned the meaning of hard work and went back to school and finished my second year of school with a 1.8, and was in a steady relationship. I continued on with school and brought my G.P.A. up with each semester now it 2.85 and i am great.

Now that i am at the end of the year i look back and i see a survivor. Someone who fought against the odds and came out winning. i have done alot in my life that i should be locked up for and should be dead but i do not apologize for them because it made me stronger. I have made some cool friends as well as some enemies. I have had some great as relationships and sum horrible ones nevertheless i have learned from both. I have become good frriends with my Step mother i love till this day and have grown to dislike my father. do i think we will patch that relationship up who know but do i care if we do hell no. I am broken but i am mending myself back together with each passing day. Those people that throw dirt on my name i think you because it is you who help me get stronger with every tear. I accept the person i am and i love me I ma Black, Bi-sexual, and i am living with both so those out there who do not like I do not care i love it. So you see this Decade i may have been a broken angel i am cool with that because i know that this new decade i will be better i am imperfect and i love that bout me. So am i gonna say that the year 2010 is gonna be my year hell no, why should i only make a year my year. My whole life ie my time and i am living everyday like it's my last so Remember Fuck'em all every last one of them. Damnit i am happy i am truly happy. How many of you can say that. So good bye this decade and hello to the rest of my life
Sincerely,
A Broken Angel

Time Traveling

What if you could time travel? but the only draw back is you can not control when or where you travel to. You only travel to major events in your life because they are like gravity they pull you in.When you jump through time you see the past but you can not change the out come of what has been. How would you live your life, would you try to start a family, would you stay by yourself because you do not want to be selfish and bring someone else in the world. Could you imagine seeing major events in your life over and over again. Weddings, deaths, children being born, mistakes you made. If you knew the knowledge of the future would you change the way you are living today? Would you take that left turn instead of the right turn? Would you wear Blue instead of green today? would you save that 2o dollar bill instead of wasting it on the movies. With the knowledge of the future you could also change what is meant to be by taking the path that you were meant to take. So again i ask you if you had the power to time travel how would you use it, if you knew how you were going to die, what would you do?