In the morning

I woke up this morning and i realized that i loved you. I knew this to be true because i could not help but remember the way u smiled at me the last time i saw you. I remember the feeling of your lips on mine. I can still feel the touch of your arms wrapped around me as i fell asleep in your arms. I eoke up thos morning and realozed how much i need you. How my days and nights seem to go slower when your not around. Or how food doesnt seem to taste the same when i can not look into your eyes. Who am i gonna run to when my world falls apart and i'm lost in the dark and i am all alone. Or when my friends start to trip and i qm losing my grip who am i gonna run to. I woke up this morning and i just wanted to cry because i look over to the otherside of the bed and realizes your not here and the last time i saw you was so quick. So i woke up this morning and knew that i loved you.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Letter to my dad

So I am sitting in my room staring at the wall and you come to my mind and the emotion that comes across is that i hate you. I hate you for leaving her and making her fend for herself. How the fuck can you call yourself a man by leaving with three kids and then having another one by someone else. I Mean do not get me wrong i Love my little brother, but damn u left my mother to be with his mother. I Was made from you i am a part of you and you are a part of me.I can not count how many times i wished we were closer and i could come to you with my question and my concerns. I remember the time i cried to you about something that happened at school and you told me to suck it up.

i Just wanted to to just say it will be alright. Sometimes i blamed it on the military but i can not do that the further i get in to my own education i learn more and more. I am in school on my own accord despite you telling me i will never make it to no ones college i am doing damn good and will graduate soon. I grew up a man and your no where to be found. You had so many different women running in out of my life it got too a point where i dint care about there names anymore, i think i lost count after Don in Atlanta. I finally understand why i do not know what love is because i saw u go through people like dirty underwear, and that is how i am myself.

I do not know what love is because you never told me you love me, you never showed it too much. You showed me discipline and made me fear you but love i am not even sure you know how to show that. I think i am the only one of your kids who cares if you live or die i try and reach out too you but u push my hand away every time. You are 50 and you just got a divorce from a great women and your alone again, maybe going in and out of women again. Dude you are old and alone i would hate to be you. But the truth is i think i am becoming you and that scares me.

I hate you so much for making me this way and not being around like you should. i wish i was born to a different man and family because you made us so distant from the family i couldn't know if the person standing next to me is my cousin or an aunt. But the truth is that i love you and miss you dad you are a part of me and i am a part of you. so if this letter should ever reach out i love you and need you right now so how come you do not want me.

So It's Funny To Me

So you see it's funny to me
because in my eyes you mean the world
but i feel that to you i am just a small part of your world.
I look at you and i see forever
And when you look at me i see in your eyes just for this moment.
So you see it's funny to me
that i feel for you when I think you just want to feel on me.
I hold your hand and
our future begins to unraveling before me
like the red carpet at the Grammy's.
But for you, i think there is no future with me.

So you see it's funny to me
that i wear my heart on my sleeve
while you just love wearing a shirt with no sleeves.
I lay next to you at night wishing
that you won't ever stop holding me tight.
But you, i think you feel like you wish you can get you Sum sex tonight.
With you the sky is the limit,
but you make it seem like the door to your house is our limit.
So you see it's funny to me
that i wanna show you to the world,
but for you just you and i is enough.
Sometimes i cry wishing i was able to read your mind
to know what and how you feel.
But for you your feelings are unclear.

So you see it's funny to me
that i see us as a romantic movie,
while you see us a horror or comedy.
I fall to my knees to make sure you are pleased
but for you this does not come with ease.
So you see it's funny to me
that i am the one who still believes
in the fairy tales and the happy ever afters.
When you believe in the not after today's.
I know i can fix you if you broke
but sometimes i am not sure if your punch lines are a joke.

So you see it's funny to me
that i am Speechless around you
and you expect me to speak.
So it's funny to me.

How Strong do you think i am

If I don't cry, Do you think I don't feel?

If I look away, it doesn't mean I don't see,

And just because I want someone when I'm alone,

Doesn't mean I'm helpless,

That I can't stand on my own.

How far can we go before we break?

How long can I wait?

How strong do you think I am?

How much can I take of this?

Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?

Or the breath at the end of a kiss?

How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,

You make it harder than it has to be,

How strong, how strong do you think I am

Running wit the devil

Looking up straight

Find a hand on his shoulder

Trying to find his way through the city

Crawling through an alley

On the floor, by your door

Needing help with the feeling that he's had before

Never calling anyone

Feeling unloved

Saying goodbye

Life is better when you're high, nevermind when you're there

Cause they never play fair

They never play fair

Maybe you will, maybe you won't

Turn the clock around now

You think it's always better but it won't

Take you away up out of here

Standing on the tracks

For someone to appear

Running with the devil, running with the devil

Another thin Line

I'm getting up know

the sun is burning my eyes and I ache

I'm living on a, freeway, running low on heart and good mistakes

I'm taking it to..living,just living all the lives I have to live

I'm playing off this feeling knowing that it's time to be forgiven

If I could only come around I'm looking in the black

Just stop and turn around I need to get this off my back

Am I outta my mind, for faking what's inside of me?

It's like I'm walking on another thin line

where the fools keep on thinking I'm blind

I'm waiting for the day walking on another thin line

Perfect

Maybe I don't say all the right things

Maybe I stumble on my words

Maybe I laugh at all the wrong times

Maybe I mumble and I curse

The best I can do is to be myself

And I hope it's enough to make you proud

I can't explain just why I'm acting this way

I can't control it, so I go with it

I'm just a boy, I won't be changing the world

And boy you know that, I'm not perfect

But I'm perfect for you

You jump in the room, my head is clear

You make the world just disappear

So open up your eyes and see

I can't explain just why I'm acting this way

I can't control it, so I go with it

I'm just a boy, I won't be changing the world

And boy you know that

Let me fall

I feel chained, chained down

You shoved me to the ground

I can't run, I can't shout

Just let me out

So heartless, this couldn't mean less

Gonna push it in your face

I'm only human

And I've got something to say

Let me rise, let me fall

Let me breathe

I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all

Let me break, let me crawl

Cause I'll get back up again if you let me fall

If I burn down in this fire

Well, I got myself to blame

I can't stop or give it up

I need to feel the pain

Can you hear me?

Don't come near me

You'll just get in my way

I'm only human

And there's nothing you can say

Liar

You said I was your everything,

You said I was the one,

You played me like a radio,

You use to love that I had no shame.

Pour my pain into words,

Hold my hand to the flame.

Tell me you'll love me like a star

Tell me you'll want me wherever you are,

Tell me you'll breathe me until your last breath.

Liar, Liar, oh, Liar, Liar.

Who am i fooling

My skin doesn't fit

My words seem so hollow

I feel like a fraud

And that's a bitter pill to swallow

Sometimes it hits me right between the eyes

Everyone can see through my disguise

Who am I fooling

I'm just a smiling face

In a make-believe world

Who am I fooling

I'm just a wannabe

So easy to replace

Pretending I'm a perfect boy

All alone in the mirror

All alone on the shelf

I'm trying to hold on

To a little piece of myself

Doesn't anybody realize

Even I don't buy my own disguise

Who am I fooling

I'm just a smiling face

In a make-believe world

Who am I fooling

I'm just a wannabe

So easy to replace

How I Feel

I know I signed up for this game

Where everybody knows my name

Now they own a little piece of me

My happiness fell off the track

And I'd do anything to get it back

Give this all, I'd give this all away

Did you just waste your breath

Asking me how I feel today

Is that a place you wanna go

I'm completely unconnected

Constantly rejected

Like everything I've ever loved is coming down

I'm drowning in emotion

In the middle of the ocean

Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down

Then you see me

You say you don't even know me

Couldn't pick me out of a line now

The girl you know is so far-gone

And I'm in hiding

Living life undercover

Smiling face for the camera

I'm not long for this world

I'm completely unconnected

Constantly rejected

Like everything I've ever loved is coming down

I'm drowning in emotion

In the middle of the ocean

Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down

That's how I feel

Then you see me

Say you don't even know me

Love too burn

I can live without you

I'm happy by myself

But you get to me

You make me feel like there is no one else

What you doin'

Leaving hearts in ruins

Can't you see

For us to be

That just won't fly with me

Slow down

Let's get it right

Make it last

Let's start tonight

And you've got a love to burn

Kisses for days

Don't you wanna grab onto something real

And never let it get away

Where Does it hurt

Where does it hurt

Tell me cause I understand

The words of a heart

Beating like wings in my head

We can hide

We’ll never lie

I’ll always see into you

There’s nothing wrong

With coming up empty and cold

Staying too long

And trying to change rocks into gold

I’ve been there to

I’ve wasted myself

And you were there for me

So whenever you crash

Wherever you land

that’s where I’ll be

And for every endless midnight

There’s a sky full of broken stars

And there’ll always be a place for you

Inside my arms

Where does it hurt

Over rated

You think it's cool, just cause they're telling you

You gotta have it, then you'll never miss it at all

You need the thrill, just cause it's killing you

You're so close, so don't take it too far

Where there's smoke you'll find a mirror

It's over-rated

I've watched it fade

So please don't give in

Don't forget what you believe in

It's over-rated

It's not worth chasing

Don't you know that

You'll love to love and then you'll hate it

Love and lost and everything between

It's perfect, it's poison that made me fall

You want it bad

Don't want it to skip away

It's too fast

It's gonna drag you down

Your Face

i heard a song tonight on the radio
another person sings about love
they see there face in every space, every room
and i know that if i turn around you won't be there
if i close my eyes, will you be there?


i don't wanna lose your face
and i don't wanna wake up one day
and not remember what time erased
i don't wanna turn around
cause i'm not scared of what love gave me and took away
and i don't wanna lose your face...

i've got a picture of you in my bedroom
and i hope it never falls
i hope i never lose that feelin
i used to get when you called
and then i wonder to myself
who are you, where are you, where you ever here at all?

i don't wanna lose your face
and i don't wanna wake up one day
and not remember what time erased
i don't wanna turn around
cause i'm not scared of what love gave me and took away
and i don't wanna lose your face...

that person in the song had it so good
i wish i could close my eyes and see you
i wish the sky had your face
and the oceans had your eyes
and the sunset had your lips
and i had you....


i don't wanna lose your face
and i don't wanna wake up one day
and not remember what time erased
and i don't wanna turn around
cause i'm not scared of what love gave me and took away
and i don't wanna lose your face
oh, no
i don't wanna lose your face
i don't wanna turn around

Made Me Fall

You found me at a time in my life when i didn't want to be found. At a time in my life when i was focused and settled in my ways. you told me you wanted me at a time in my life that i didn't want to be wanted. over time i grew to wanting to be found by you. I realized i wanted to be wanted by you. The moment i realized all this i saw my life begin to change before my eyes. I saw this light at the end of the tunnel that was bright and warm. The closer i got to the end that light got briter and hotter. When i reached the end their you were sexy as ever and i just knew that i finally made it to my forever.

The second i stepped out the tunnel and ran towards you a bridge began to form that would allow me to cross to the other side where i thought love might be. The first step i took i closed my eyes and put one foot in front of the other and as i did the bridge began to Trimble, and unravel under me. i fell and you just stood there and watched me, how could you just watch me fall to the heartbroken canyon that was under me. You led me down this path to get to you, you found me when no one else was looking, you showed me the good in other and allowed me to fall for you. When i told you i didn't want anyone in my life you told me all these lies. and now your no where to be found and i am falling deeper into this canyon afraid to reach my arms up and save myself from falling because falling is easier than allowing this to happen again.

So i ask you why, why did you find me in the first place. Why didn't you just leave me in the tunnel where i was safe and settled. Why did you allow me to waste those months and my money on you when you were not gonna catch me when i fall, you told me this that prevented you being with me, but did you not realize i could have helped you with them, and now ur disappeared, no more phone calls, barley a text, and no more jokes. I remember the way you made stuff feel to me,Like I was all you'd ever need
Did you change your mind,Well I didn't change mine.Now here I am trying to make sense of it all.We were close friends now we don't even talk. You broke me Ripped my world apart. I can't get you out of my head.I still remember the shit you said. Left me all alone You couldn't be more gone.From falling apart to fighting mad.From wanting you back to not giving a damn I've felt it all I've been to the wall. Scared to let someone in.

So i am falling head first into this abyss that i fear will engulf my heart and soul with a feeling i fought so hard to let go, so hard to get over and continue on with my life. You have allowed me to fall and i am not sure that i even want to stop falling, because if i climb back up again i fear that someone else will trick me into falling again and i don't think i will survive this a second ttime. you said yyou feared that you would hurt me and u did it any ways.One day justice will come and find you And I'll be right there in your memory to remind you.Don't wanna let life pass me by.Never knowing what it's like.To be as real as real can be.To share my life and know my dreams. So I Wanna Just Know Why did You Find Me when i didn't want to be Found.

Someone to love me

Sometimes the night seems so long
When you lie in bed all alone
And tomorrow seems so far away
I don't wanna live another day this way

Scared to let someone in
Can't bear to get hurt again
But my body needs to feel a touch
Someone come and wake me up

I just want somebody to love me
I just need somebody to hold me
Somebody to love me

Don't wanna let life pass me by
Never knowing what it's like
To be as real as real can be
To share my life and know my dreams

I just want somebody to love me
And I just need somebody to hold me
Somebody to love me

'Cause I'm hurt and I'm scared and I'm lonely
All I want is somebody to want me
'Cause I've got so much to give

I just want somebody to love me
I just need somebody to hold me
Somebody to love me

Don't Be

I don’t mean to bother you,
Wanna know if you got any plans for the weekend
Can I pick you up around 7, you let me know when.
You say that every one is lookin' for just one thing
You say they love you but they really don’t know what it means
How can you think that way when you know nothing' about me
I say you running' away
I'll buy you nice things that I cannot pronounce
And if you let me love you, babe I will turn you on
I'll stay committed and I promise I would be around
your life will not be the same

Don’t be afraid to fall in love
cause I don't believe in giving up
Please give me a chance to earn your trust
Cause I know I can be everything' that you need
Don’t be afraid to fall in love
And don’t ever say that is just too much
Cause you never know I could be the one
we’re not all the same, babe don’t be afraid to love

If you try
Its not a waste of time
You will find
That love is what you need in your life
Just let it go
Nobody's gonna hurt you
Don’t say no
Tell me what I need to do
To make you see that you don’t have to be that way

Don’t be afraid to fall in love
cause I don't believe in giving up
Please give me a chance to earn your trust
Cause I know I can be everything' that you need
Don’t be afraid to fall in love
And don’t ever say that is just too much
Cause you never know I could be the one
we’re not all the same, babe don’t be afraid to love

Mistakes

I hope I see you soon,
Because you’re fond of me and I am fond of you.
Most days I guess that’s all it takes,
That and just a few mistakes.
And I have made mistakes.
I have made mistakes today,
Yes I have made mistakes today.

So tonight I’ll be your Brooklyn
So corny and so far away!
Just tell me what you want for me to say
And if it brings you home…

I guess its safe to say,
We both could use this fire escape.
Cause I’ve been breathing ashes in,
And I’ve been waiting for something to carry you away.

Cause I have made mistakes today…
And I have made mistakes today…
Yes I have made mistakes.

So tonight I’ll be your Brooklyn
So corny and so far away!
Just tell me what you want for me to say
And if it brings you home…

So I hope you travel safe.
I hope you’re cool,
I hope you find your way.
Because it’s sounds like it is safe to say,
We disagree on one too many things.

Cause I have made mistakes today,
Yes I have made mistakes today.
And I have made mistakes…

i See U

I sit and watch never making a sound.
Never saying my thoughts.
And yet i see u and u see me.
My hands are your hands and my eyes r ur eyes
I See U
My mind is urs and urs is mine.
Our thoughts are the same and never different.
I See U
My heart is a different story because it is my life force
And it is my burden. My heart, My heart is somethig i wish will never part. So i carry your heart in my heart,
So carry my heart in ur heart because mine is urs and urs is mine.
We are linked together not for a few moments but for enternity or until the end of time.
I See U

Dog Eat Dog World

The films in this section say about the challenges confronting the geo-political structures we collectively call “ Africa” Is there room in the New Global Order for the cultures we have learned about or are they destined for some form of assimilation/extinction? To answer this question you would have to define what geo-political means. Geo-political is study of geographic influences on power relationships in international politics. Geopolitical theorists have sought to demonstrate the importance in the determination of foreign policies of considerations such as the acquisition of natural boundaries, access to important sea routes, and the control of strategically important land areas. In the films we saw many different families who had different ideas, religions, and cultures.

However the only thing they had in common was their willingness not to evolve with the times. In the video “The Al Hadji & His Wife” you saw that Al Hajji’s women were the main source of life in the family, they did everything, from the cooking to the income. The wealth of the family is determined by the amount of cattle one family has and in a always evolving world having this way of determining the wealth of the family would not stand up to other countries such as North America, Asia, or even Europe.
In the Movie “The Mseyas” they relied a lot on their belief in God and that they will have great things come to them if they continue to keep faith, and stay true to their religion. Religion is a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a supernatural agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs. Even though we would all like to say believe in our faith in religion, and hold hand and sing the "Kum ba yah’s and believe that life is fair. It is time to wake up and smell the over priced Star Bucks coffee and realize in today “New Global Order” there is no room for religion to play a part in growing and evolving into a more powerful World.

So by keeping this mindset the children in this movie are doomed to get left behind and forgotten just like the cassette players in the early 1980’s.Keep The Dance Alive is another example of a movie that relies on the idea that faith is all that matter’s and refuses to go to the outside world and comprehend that their tradition are becoming obsolete. If the all the people of Africa who refuses to get wit the program will unfortunately just fall through the cracks and become just a dream. It is true that we can learn from our past; however the past is used to learn from and not stop the progress of our future.

Another thing in these movies that would not survive in the ever evolving world would be their education rate. In the movie you learned that you had to pay for school in order to learn, and like most of Africa the economy is not all that strong so they can not afford to send the children to school to educate them so that they will be able to compete on an even playing field with other people from other countries. Let’s face it education is very important if you want to be able to even just exist in today’s society. I am just talking about existing meaning the bear minimal here, not talking bout being steady and able to buy a car or rent a nice apartment. Even today a Bachelor’s degree is not what it uses to be. So think if the people in Africa can not afford to send their children to school to learn, how we can expect them to be able to work in today’s world that requires more education then it did a couple years ago. Technology is always growing and changing, it stop’s for no one and what one can not do their will be many others who can.
So as sad as it may be the truth is that if the people of Africa do not get up and join the rest of the world they will get passed by just as some of us pass the “Bums” on the street that beg for money. No matter what circumstances they had to face, or is facing is not excuse for them to lag behind the rest of us. Time waits for no man and neither does evolution either you get wit the times or become extinct like the dinosaurs, “It's a dog eat dog world, I'm wearing milk bone underwear” meaning survival of the fittest it’s them or us people which one would you choose us or them?

Time Travel

What if you could time travel? but the only draw back is you can not control when or where you travel to. You only travel to major events in your life because they are like gravity they pull you in.When you jump through time you see the past but you can not change the out come of what has been. How would you live your life, would you try to start a family, would you stay by yourself because you do not want to be selfish and bring someone else in the world. Could you imagine seeing major events in your life over and over again. Weddings, deaths, children being born, mistakes you made. If you knew the knowledge of the future would you change the way you are living today? Would you take that left turn instead of the right turn? Would you wear Blue instead of green today? would you save that 2o dollar bill instead of wasting it on the movies. With the knowledge of the future you could also change what is meant to be by taking the path that you were meant to take. So again i ask you if you had the power to time travel how would you use it, if you knew how you were going to die, what would you do?

What would u do

Wat would you do if da person u were pose to be dating introduced u as a homeboi? Would u spaz out or just ler it pass. However every time you introduce them to anyone you introduce them as ur boyfriend or girlfriend. Also wat if they are on the phone wit someone and they tell the other person on the phone that they are just hangging with a home boi, what would you do? Is it evrn a big deal. Another qyestion is wgat would you do if da person you are dating doesn't remember any of the important dates of yall relationship? I mean not single one,no first dates, not even your own birthday. However you remember everything their birthday, da first time you saw them everything, hell they don't even know the month you were born in but they remember the ex's.so how would you handle this, could you deal with it or would you just let go and move on. Have we moved to an age where titles are less important, where remembering the dates of the small things like first dates, bitrhday has become so unimpprtant. Has that age come and gone or am i just one of those helpless romantics that believes that thoses things are still important, thats those days are ones to remember because it is those days that are important and not valentines day? Someone please help me give me feed back.

Definition of my Love

Definition of Love Love knows no reasons. Love knows no lies. Love defies all reasons. Love has no eyes. Love is not blind; it sees but it doesn't mind. Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. Love is so easy to feel, so hard to explain; easy to get, so hard to let go; easy to spell, so hard to define. Yet, everyone is still taking the risks. Love is a feeling that's seen in one's eyes. Love is the sight of the sunset and sunrise.


Love is the joy that make people smile. Love is the pain that makes people cry. To love is to feel the other so dear. To the point you taste his or her tears. Love doesn't seek what's not there. Love accepts all pains to bear. Love that doesn't die is love that we can't see.



Love will fly if you held it too lightly; yet it will die if you held it too tightly. In words, love can be read. In actions, love can be measured. But others don't know that even in silence love can be heard. The meaning of love is inexplicable. It can't be described similarly by everyone; but one thing's for sure, love begins with; friends. Love is created not by words but by feelings; not by humans but by hearts; it is better expressed in deeds than in words. For love has no definition, it exists. Never expect love to be always at its best because if you do, you will never appreciate its existence.



Remember that there will always be one true love for you to have and hold. It may not be one you expect but it's the one you deserve. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you to give you joy and strength, but sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Love works in magical ways but never be fooled by the promise of forever. There will come a time when the spark will die and when that time comes, we must learn to let go no matter how painful. Love can never be wrong; it's the people, time and place that go wrong. Learn from your mistakes; don't correct a mistake with another one.



In the course of love, ones heart must be brave; brave enough to hold on when things do wrong and brave enough to let go when they realize that things are not meant to be. Love can never be forced or created if it was never meant to be there at all nor can be destroyed if it was destined to survive. Love may leave your heart like a shattered glass but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again.



There's always pain and disappointment when falling in love, but continue sharing your love cause the more you love, the more you'll get to know yourself, cause every person you love becomes your reflection. Let love be the guide to your dreams, let love be the light to your heart; let your love be the reason why somebody else's heart still continuous to beat. Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive; not how you listen but how you understand; not what you see but what you feel; and not how you let go but how you hold on. Letting go of someone you truly love is hard but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder.



Giving up doesn't mean you're weak. It only means that you're strong enough to let go. If you love someone, set him/her free. If he/she comes back, he's/she's yours. If he/she doesn't, he/she never was. It really hurts to love someone who doesn't give you the time of day, but what will hurt more is when you realize that someone whom you don't give the time of day loved you and gave it up because you loved someone else. Love is a contradiction.


It's hard to find but easy to lose; love makes you feel good but hurts you so bad; opens your eyes but makes you blind; fills up your heart but tears it apart. Love is like air and you can't see it but you can feel it. True love doesn't have an ending because it won't end anyway. Loving people means giving them the freedom to be who they choose to be and where they choose to be.



Love is allowing people in your life to make choices. Love is a noble act of self giving, offering your trust, faith and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of you; yet you don't become less of who you are, you just end up being complete.



Love need not stand in front of us to be recognized. If it's far for the eyes to see, it has power close enough for the heart to feel. If you want a butterfly, don't run after it. Instead, sit down and it will surely land on your palm when it needs some rest. That's how I found love. People can't define what love really is unless they've felt it. ......

I dont need you to get me..just respect me

Some of the shit i be sayin people read and dont understand... not sayin im smarter just sayin my brain on another level sometimes

Alot of people like erykah badu bc they'd rather her do the deep thinkin so they dont have to
I do it for myself.

great minds shouldnt come so every blue moon

Suicide happens more than great thought in this country

Truth happens far less than lightning striking people, less than shark attacks, less than planes falling out the sky... but we fear those?

I used to fear the way i thought would have me murdered, or assassinated like those great minds before me... MLK and JFK

When someone told me i was a powerful person... i didnt believe them at the time.. there was too much going on around me . I hadnt yet tapped into that deep of thinking for me to fully comprehend what title was set before me.

Here it is 4 years later and that thought runs thru my mind daily... how am i supposed to use this power.. how can take advantage of it?

It cant be up to me to stand for the things im so passionate about.. or can it?

I know I have the power to change my life's direction.. but do i really have the power to change another?

Do i have the power to change a community? A City? A Nation? A world?

FUCKIN RIGHT I CAN!

I dont mind being laughed at, talked about, ridiculed... those are only done because people dont understand... What people dont understand they fear....I simply pity their ignorance


I've been laying low far too long... it's time for me to RISE!!! And stand among greatness! Yeah.. thats where i belong...

The Good guy

He's often overlooked and by passed. Taken advantage of and/or for granted. He has a heart of gold that's bigger than him himself. He forgives you no matter how much it hurts. He loves you unconditionally. He buys you gifts just to show you how much he cares. He texts you at all hours of the day to tell you he misses you. He surprises you all the time and not just on your birthday. He goes all out on every anniversary and he never forgets. He treats you with respect. He makes love to your mind body AND soul. He knows how to please you. He knows when and where it hurts, he knows how to make it stop. He thinks of only you. He thinks he doesn't deserve you. He pulls out your chair and opens your door. He cooks you dinner and breakfast in bed. He holds you tight all through the night. He makes you feel special. He feels pain too, but sometimes may not wanna show it. He's not perfect and sometimes may mess up but he always does the best he can. He's not a super hero but he wants to be for you. He wishes to be with you always and forever. He wants real love. He wants someone to love and someone to love him. He's yours and yours only and you're all he wants and needs. He wants to complete you just like you complete him... HE'S THE GOOD GUY. R YU?

Being black today

What does it mean to be black In America is something that isn’t very easy to describe or explain. To many people the response would be different, there is no one answer. To me it means to always have a label tattooed to you, and to always have to prove ourselves. African-Americans have made great strides in America today, but we still have a ways to go. There is a lot of mistrust among blacks toward each other. Even though African-Americans can become millionaires, many of us are living near the poverty line. We need to stress education instead of thugism in our communities. We need stronger black leaders who are not afraid to get their $1,000 suits dirty. We have to overcome this second-class mentality we have about ourselves. We are still struggling for equality in areas of education, job market, housing market and police brutality. It has been said that America is about equality. When do we get our share? We are still fighting for rights that should be equal to all. In all honesty, being black in America is a lot different from the 1930s or even 1960s. We are able to achieve a lot more and we are not barred from going and living where we choose in most instances. We are able to live the American Dream in a sense. But what does being black in America really mean? For some, it means a heavy burden and the continued discrimination, though very subtle in most instances. For others, it means the culmination of dreams. Many blacks have transcended race and today we stand on the threshold of greatness--Barack Obama, the first African American to be a serious contender for the presidency. We have made great strides towards equality for all, but we are still a long way off. For many of us, being black in America means living in with the burden of mistrust by many, inferior health care, rundown neighborhoods, high crime rates, high school drop out rates and being automatically suspected of crimes and even being falsely imprisoned for crimes we did not commit. So, when Michelle Obama uttered those words that she was proud of her country for the first time in her adult life, I understood and appreciated what she meant. Unless you are black in America, you will not fully understand her position, but you can appreciate her candor. You see, America was not always kind to blacks and still isn't in many regards. So, from a historical context, being black in America was living hell for so many of our ancestors

I Knew You

I knew you
You knew me
Now I wonder
If I'd ever see you again

Some say it's all a crazy dream
Others a forever reality
Your guess is as good as mine
Life's got me wondering
If I'd ever see you again

I'm looking everywhere I can
Could one more clue
Lead me to you
My heart keep trying to know
If I'd ever see you again

Some say it's magic from long ago
If so, it's all unbelievable
Where have you gone?
Like a missing piece of a puzzle
I hoping to know
If I'd ever see you again

I once laughed with you
Deeply I've looked into your eyes
Felt you so alive
To god within my soul I'm questioning
If I'd ever see you again

tho4 t h h M ny deaths in my life that occurred last year did not have an effect on me but slowly they were affecting me internally. While I was in Atlanta I learned to face those feelings head on and now I am back in Miami and back in school at Florida Memorial I am doing ok as of now I am just taking it one day at a time and learning to open up to others and not deal with everything on my own. I was inspired to write a book about my personal life experiences in the hope that someone reads it and learns from what I been through and it helps them. My major is psychology. I am trying to get back on the right track again, I found my faith again and I am ready for whatever comes my way.

Honestly, there's no way I could possibly describe myself because everyone has a different perception of a person. All you need to know is that I love who am and I will not change for anyone. You'll either love me or hate me, and I could care less which of the two you end up choosing. I'm really not interested in what people have to say about me anymore because the only opinion that truly affects me is my own. I'm all about experimenting and trying new things at least once. I'd really like to travel the world and see different backgrounds, cultures, and environments. I want to own my own business but I'm not sure exactly what I want in life just yet, But I do know I want to be with someone that I love for the rest of my life and to be happy.

My ultimate plan is to get my degree in psychology and open up a place for teenagers to go. I would call it “Sanctuary” it is a place where adolescents can come and be free and away from the streets where they won’t have to deal with drugs, gang violence, as well as getting away from any problems at home. Also they will be able to learn more about themselves as well as others and learn to coexist with others who are different sexes, races, and religions. They will also be able to get help with their homework and any problems they have at school. I want my “sanctuary” to be a safe place where they are able to form their own opinion with out being influenced by an outside force.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy”. In that regard, my life has not been all sunny and happy. As a small child, I went through many trials and tribulations. For example, being put in the foster care system, the loss of my mother, these things has made me become stronger as a student as well as a man. I have endured so much in my life. I am more mature than most people my own age. I believe that I am a very positive person who likes to help others; I also try to teach them how to live life each day with a positive attitude, regardless of setbacks. Although I have had many setbacks in life I do not use it as an excuse, or, as a clutch to receive anything not genuinely earned. I would rather be rewarded by my character, drive, determination, and aspirations. My ultimate plan is to get my degree in psychology and open up a place for teenagers to go. I call it “Sanctuary” it is a place where kids can come and be free and away from the street where they won’t have to deal with drugs, gang violence, and they can get away from any problems at home. Also they will be able to learn more about themselves as well as others and learn to coexist with others who are different sexes, races, and religions.

This is Me

Let me introduce myself my name is Christophor Douglas I recently found myself at a crossroads in my life; so I picked up and moved to Atlanta. The true reason for me going to Atlanta was to go and find myself again. Since leaving high school I lost the will for an education anymore, I thought that the many deaths in my life that occurred last year did not have an effect on me but slowly they were affecting me internally. While I was in Atlanta I learned to face those feelings head on and now I am back in Miami and back in school at Florida Memorial I am doing ok as of now I am just taking it one day at a time and learning to open up to others and not deal with everything on my own. I was inspired to write a book about my personal life experiences in the hope that someone reads it and learns from what I been through and it helps them. My major is psychology. I am trying to get back on the right track again, I found my faith again and I am ready for whatever comes my way.

Honestly, there's no way I could possibly describe myself because everyone has a different perception of a person. All you need to know is that I love who am and I will not change for anyone. You'll either love me or hate me, and I could care less which of the two you end up choosing. I'm really not interested in what people have to say about me anymore because the only opinion that truly affects me is my own. I'm all about experimenting and trying new things at least once. I'd really like to travel the world and see different backgrounds, cultures, and environments. I want to own my own business but I'm not sure exactly what I want in life just yet, But I do know I want to be with someone that I love for the rest of my life and to be happy.

My ultimate plan is to get my degree in psychology and open up a place for teenagers to go. I would call it “Sanctuary” it is a place where adolescents can come and be free and away from the streets where they won’t have to deal with drugs, gang violence, as well as getting away from any problems at home. Also they will be able to learn more about themselves as well as others and learn to coexist with others who are different sexes, races, and religions. They will also be able to get help with their homework and any problems they have at school. I want my “sanctuary” to be a safe place where they are able to form their own opinion with out being influenced by an outside force.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy”. In that regard, my life has not been all sunny and happy. As a small child, I went through many trials and tribulations. For example, being put in the foster care system, the loss of my mother, these things has made me become stronger as a student as well as a man. I have endured so much in my life. I am more mature than most people my own age. I believe that I am a very positive person who likes to help others; I also try to teach them how to live life each day with a positive attitude, regardless of setbacks. Although I have had many setbacks in life I do not use it as an excuse, or, as a clutch to receive anything not genuinely earned. I would rather be rewarded by my character, drive, determination, and aspirations. My ultimate plan is to get my degree in psychology and open up a place for teenagers to go. I call it “Sanctuary” it is a place where kids can come and be free and away from the street where they won’t have to deal with drugs, gang violence, and they can get away from any problems at home. Also they will be able to learn more about themselves as well as others and learn to coexist with others who are different sexes, races, and religions.

Bitter

I am very biter right now, beacuse once againg LOVE has proven not to be a friend of mine. And I am tired of being betrayed by her... so I have some questions for her and I hope she has the answeres.

Love...

Why do you keep playing with me?... Can you tell me that?

Why do you keep coming into my life, then leaving me?... Whats up with that?

Do you know how long I've waited for you?... How I've longed for your touch?

I just want you to be real?... Is that to much?

Why do you keep lying to me?... Is honesty hard for you?

Why do I keep falling for you?... I must be a fool!

Do you know that I've told lies for you, beacause I thought you were the truth? That I've walked miles upon miles just to be near you?

Is it me? Did I do something wrong?

Do you not feel at home in my heart, in my thoughts, in my soul, in my arms?

I'm upset now but give me a moment. I still want you but I need you to be honest with me.

Stop playing games with me..Be with me forever and never leave...Be what I know you can be.

Can you give ME securtiy? Be honest and true? give yourself to no other? Only me and you?

Can you do that? If you can then I'll take you back.

But if you can't then we can never be.

Beacuse LOVE I am tired of you hurting me!

Walking through someone else shoes

The movie Avatar in my opinion is a very good that has a very common story plot that has been used throughout Hollywood for numerous of years in such movies as Tarzan, Pocahontas, and other movies where another man from another culture comes and saves the day. While seeing the movie I realized a lot of different elements and themes. Imperialism, Militarism, Social and Cultural themes. No where in the movie did I see any thing dealing with race in the movie. Yes ok in the movie Jake Sully does come in learn the secrets of the people but in doing so he learns the ways of the people and learns that all things are scared. In the beginning Jake is presented with the opportunity to gain back something he lost if he betrayed the Na’vi tribe. The only thing I see in this movie is the main character transforming from a villain into a hero.

In the Movie Jake comes in and swoops the whole culture off their feet but it is because he is different, because the Na’vi never met a warrior avatar before. This is the case in society period we as a people are intrigued by something new; I like to call it the new kid comes to town complex. Meaning when the new kid move to town we get intrigued by him and wants to learn more about them and this movie is no different. Okay so Jake came in and stole Neytiri from Tsu'tey the reason behind that was that she made a connection with Jake and was not forced to be with him they way she was with Tsu'tey .In the article Ezili addresses when Jake rides Toruk and he becomes a mystical hero.

Ezili sees this as emasculating black men but is it really that or is it that Jake had to prove to the Na’vi that he changed and now wants to help save them. So is this really the white savior thing? When indigenous populations who are at a bow and arrow level are met with technological superior forces, if somebody doesn't help them, they lose. So we are not talking about a racial group within an existing population fighting for their rights". I think the purpose of the movie was to show someone else walking in the shoes of others in a way to try and get along with out all the violence, and hate. That what the purpose of the Avatar program was to have the humans walk in the shoes of the Na’vi to see and learn more about them to find a way to help each other.

The only reason that it did not work was because as usual man got greedy and wanted everything in the end and wanted to flex their muscles which led to the destruction of the “Tree of Voices” in the article “The same old white savior complex” Ezili comments about Sigourney Weaver character Grace saying “ She is the scientist who is wiring the human brains in the avatars to try and win their trust” When in fact she wasn’t trying to win their trust she was trying to understand them and help them so she could resolve things peacefully. Grace loved the Na’vi to the point she wanted to become one she never once denied her love for the Na’vi even at the beginning when she was upset the Jake was another soldier and not a scientist.

So in conclusion I feel the Ezili is seeing the movie as being black and white and not for what it really is a movie about learning different cultures. Finding a way for people to come together without the use of violence, but by the power of understanding each other and compromising. Avatar is trying to put in to action a way of changing our own world, by just listening to each other. We as a society have always felt that the world is black and white when in fact not in all cases is it this way. There are many different shades and cultures that we can learn from if we only just sit back and just listen. We have a black man in office now so time to get the chip off the shoulder and take responsibility for ourselves

What Happen to daddy little girls

What Ever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women

While its title appears to promise a factual exposition on the impact of absent fathers on black women, we really only learn its impact on the author and a few others. It is up to the reader to extrapolate further. Barras quickly shoots down her own premise by reminding us that fatherlessness is not a problem limited to or universal among blacks or black women. If you buy the well-worn argument that all mothers without men are victims and their children are doomed, this book may boost that unfairness. She writes, "Do not women ... also witness an indescribable pain that shadows them throughout their lives? Do they?" It is difficult to find a universal answer, if indeed there is one, in these pages.

The statistics are included, and the bibliography lists many related books, including novels, but it is not apparent that she has drawn on them or used them effectively in her research and arguments. She writes with such emotion (as if she herself is not healed) that it is difficult to see her as a source for advice. Her cure-all is simple: forgive and you shall be healed. The book may be helpful to some who share her pain (and feel helped by others' tales of woe) or who want to understand women who feel abandoned because they were not reared by the men who gave them life.

It might even move some fathers and mothers to do more to maintain ties for their daughters, or some adult daughters to go talk to the person they believe has abandoned them. But for me it just rang hollow, laying open old wounds and falling short on the salves and gauze necessary to help me heal properly. Fatherlessness afflicts nearly half the households in America, and it has reached epidemic proportions in the African-American community, with especially devastating consequences for black women. What happens to little girls who grow up without a father?

Barras, an accomplished journalist, identifies the "fatherless woman syndrome" and discusses the research that confirms that fatherless daughters are far more likely to suffer from debilitating rage, depression, abuse, and addictions, they tend to seek "healing" through promiscuity or anti-intimate behavior, and often end up fearing or despising the men whose love they crave. Barras gives voice to the experiences of America's fatherless women using accounts from women she has interviewed and her own personal story. She also offers a 25-question self-examination for women and advises on how to begin the healing process. These are groundbreaking insights for fatherless women of any heritage.

When I finished reading this I found to be left with a lot of questions one for example was are women the only people who experience this? Me being a male and having the same situation happen to myself I find it rather sexist that she thinks that only women experience this. Playing the devils advocate was about motherless children who grow up with out the love and affection that only a mother can provide. We all know that most males are unable to show there own emotion especially to their kids. Take for example my father he never told me he was proud of me or told me he loved me, nut I hear it from my step mother every time we talk. So as you can see that this doesn’t apply just to women but also to men as well , I think the book should be re-titled and redone to include the male perspective.

if i could grant any wish i would give you the world
if i could stop all time i would freeze the seconds we kiss
if i could hold on to one thing i would hold on to you forever.
if i could have anything, there wouldn't be anything except your love.
if i could tell you any thing i would tell you i love you for all time
if i could give up anything i would give up my freedom so that you will alway be mine.
If my dying wish could come true i would wish that you would wish for a final kiss.
with seconds truning into days, and days truning to months i i am thankful tat i found you.
if i could do anything i wold always keep you next to me.

someone tell me how to stop a broken heart from crying?
someone tell me why is the heart such a heavy burden?
someone tell me why love is so hard?
someone tell me why it leaves you in scares
crying and longing when you can't go on any more.
when the world loses colors and you lose all hope.

So someone tell why are these tears falling from my eyes.
someone tell me why can't i fell me heart anymore.
no beats, no thumps, just stright silence. the pieces have falling and it won't return.

So someone tell me why am i looking at these pills hoping for a end.
a way to slowly fade into the voild of nothing.
Someone tell me why the people who say they are my friends who are on my top friends list are no where to be found while im on my slippery slope heading down.
day is like night as i stare at the picture of a false smile that i made.
the truth behind my eyes is sorrow and dispair. looking in the mirror trying to trick myself that i love me.
So Someone please tell me how to stop a broken heart from crying?
before the broken heart kills me!

Somebody tell me

“Death Gotta Be Easy Cause Life Is Hard.” Curtis Jackson.

Well if death is so easy why are there so many people trying to live it day to day?
So the big question to everyone is, is life so hard because it is meant to be or is it that way because we make it hard. Ok So I kno it has been a while since I last wrote something on facebook. The reason behind that was because at that point in time my life was going ok. Nothing major was wrong I was back in school making da grades just having fun. But I guess you figured it out now that I am writing on facebook again that I must be having something go wrong in my life now.
So as you all know that I was in the process of joining the navy right? So about to weeks ago I actually did join it and I was sworn in, so my ship off date was supposed to be August 15, 2008. so b4 I was to ship off I had to Finnish all my lose end like for example my job, so I had to tell my employer and quit. I had to leave school and withdraw, and finally I had to leave my apartment that I had wit a roommate with. So my roommate was already planning on leaving on Thursday and so was I. Thursday came like it always does but our plans came to a halt. I was called by my recruiter and was told there was a problem with my paperwork and so I couldn’t be shipped off Friday. Mater of fact he doesn’t know when exactly I can be shipped off. So I have been here in this apartment with no bed, no t.v, no pots, and rarely any food at all.

But that isn’t the worst thing bout it I can’t even afford to pay the whole rent for August so I am being thrown out in a couple of days with out a place to go, no family and hardly any friends.
There was a point that I did cry and I prayed and prayed. But all I could think of was to do what I do best and write and try to use this experience to help others. So I ask again is Death easy cause life is hard? Always remember while you are going through your storms always remember that there is someone else worst off then you are out there and be thankful for God has placed in your life, and keep him close and don’t turn your back on him, because he will never do it to you.
So now I am bout to jet out of this apartment so this will be the last time I will be writing in this apartment. So I hope that this letter touches someone and helps them with there problems

I Love You

Dear Chris,

Hey shawty wuz good i am writing a letter to you cause i figurg that right about now you need it. I wanted to let you in on a few feelings that you should know. I know right now you probly are down and hurt and just think that you just sucks. But really you don't. You are smart,funny,sexy,and got a big ass dick(lol) but no on the real I Love You. I Love you more than words can express. You make my moon raise and the stars shine. You are the sexiest Man I Ever layed eyes on and that i know. I am lucky that i kno you and i am blessed as well to be able to hold your heart in my hands. Years ago i let you slip away from me but never again. I'ma hold you so tightly and love you so fiercely that you won't need another man in your life. Man after you comeback from your trip i'ma help you smile again. I love it when you when you smile. I love hearing you laugh. I Just plan out love you, so i'ma let you go and i hope you make the best of what's left of your trip and Remember that I Love You

Love, Always
Christophor Letrell Douglas

Letters to a college student

Good morning To All those who are starting school this Morning. Today marks a new beginning for some of you, and for others it's just continuing on your path to an enlighten mind. I wanted to write all of you a note that is telling you to never give up on this path. You have chosen to continue down a path that many others have walked before you. I want to address the freshmen first, as you embark on this journey, remember to never let you head hang low. Walk tall everyday and don't let the distractions of your university get to you. You’ll have chose to continue your education, when it could have been just as easy to stop and just start working.
Instead you decided to enhance your knowledge ever further.

A Great man once said "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy” (Martin Luther King Jr.). Meaning life will throw many obstacles in your way it is your choice to let them stop you or to Press on and fight. You already did the easy part by getting into college. The hardest part is staying in and getting your degree. So freshmen college is a place to find your own personal identity and leave the high school one behind. Today marks a Fresh start for you all.
Words of advice is to Go make some cool friends and get to know your professors'. Remember the friend's you make in college will be the one's you will keep for life. No to address everyone else, time for us to take one step closer to our dreams and our goals, for some it may mean one step closer to pledging, another step to Making Billions and for others proving to yourself and others that you are worth something. What ever your reason is hold it close and never forget it. This will be your Driving force this year, do not let controversy hinder you from your goals. Do Not let self doubt stop you from pursing your dreams remember Reach for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars. Do not let self esteem stop your from your hearts desire. Enjoy this year and be grateful that you are alive, and blessed with the chance to do what everyone is not able to. So Go forth and triumph and let's give it our best shot. Lead by Your character and not by your reputation.

You Should Let Me Love You

See as of lately i been feeling as if i can't breathe without u.My days seems to become night when you are not around.My seconds turn to minutes, and minutes to hours without a single kiss from you i think bout u all the time but i feel you do not think bout me. If my heart could talk it would say ur name and urs alone. If i could feel an embrace holding me every night. i would want that embrace to be yours holding me tight. Because you see i have deep feelings for you.When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love.

So you see all i wanna do is be the guy for you.I wanna Be your ups and ur downs Your right and your lefts,and whatever other direction there is left (lol).I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.Nothing that I wouldn't do.Go to the ends of the Earth for you,To make you feel my love. I kno you probly hear this daily form other dudes, but you see the other dudes they are not me. The differance between us is that i will cherish and treat you the way you were meant to be. I know you were made for me because you are the only person i see. All the other people that walk my way they are only here for a season but i am sure that you were given to me for a speical reason.so you see i care for you more then words can say but i wish you would let me know that you felt the same way.

So the truth of the matter is that my heart never lies and i feel that u are the one that i want to be beside. My Past may not be perfect but my past is what made me who i am today, if i wasnt for my past you wouldn't even have noticed me anyway. The past is the past i am here waiting in the present because in the future it will be you and i together. I can not promise that i wont hurt u because i am sure sum way i would but not on purpose, just know in advance that i am sorry and that the make up will be better than the break up. I can not promise only good days, because i know that bad ones will follow. But Remember it's the bad ones that help make things stronger so we can have a better tomorrow.I've known it from the moment that we met,No doubt in my mind where you belong. i kno others have hurt you and ur family isn't right but that part of ur heart i can't fix i can help mend it but i can surpport u like a partner is suppose to do. i kno u talk bout freedom but u wont be losing it, u will have it at the same time.So again you see that i am the one for you and you are the one for me, so i am telling you all this to let you know how i feel, because true love only comes once every hundred years, so Why take the chance that you won't be alive to experience the second time when i am here right now.When the evening shadows and the stars appear,And there is no one there to dry your tears,I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love.

so you see i feel that i should let u kno wat is really going on because this is it, this is the violin strings playing and the fat lady is about to sing i have ben getting to know u for the the last eight months of my life almost a year i met u in april and i have been geting to kno u. most people would have giving up by now but not me but i have been running a race that i am not sure there is a finnish line for and i am getting tired and my feet are about to break, i cant keep these tears from falling down my face as i write you this but i do nto wanna lose this race i am a good man , and this good man cares for u deeply, i kno u r not stupid and i kno u r damaged but let me be that bandaide, let me fix it give me da chance that i have been waiting for but like i said the fat lady is gonna sing, Well I don't expect The world to move underneath me but for God's sake could you try.I know that you're true to me.You're always there, you say you care,I know that you wanna be mine, so why fight it just let me kno where i stand give me this one shot to carry ur heart in my heart.

What would you do

Wat would you do if da person u were pose to be dating introduced u as a homeboi? Would u spaz out or just ler it pass. However every time you introduce them to anyone you introduce them as ur boyfriend or girlfriend. Also wat if they are on the phone wit someone and they tell the other person on the phone that they are just hangging with a home boi, what would you do? Is it evrn a big deal. Another qyestion is wgat would you do if da person you are dating doesn't remember any of the important dates of yall relationship? I mean not single one,no first dates, not even your own birthday. However you remember everything their birthday, da first time you saw them everything, hell they don't even know the month you were born in but they remember the ex's.so how would you handle this, could you deal with it or would you just let go and move on. Have we moved to an age where titles are less important, where remembering the dates of the small things like first dates, bitrhday has become so unimpprtant. Has that age come and gone or am i just one of those helpless romantics that believes that thoses things are still important, thats those days are ones to remember because it is those days that are important and not valentines day? Someone please help me give me feed back.

I See You

I sit and watch never making a sound
Never saying my thoughts.
And yet i see u and u see me.
My hands are your hands and my eyes r ur eyes
I See U
My mind is urs and urs is mine.
Our thoughts are the same and never different.
I See U
My heart is a different story because it is my life force
And it is my burden. My heart, My heart is somethig i wish will never part. So i carry your heart in my heart,
So carry my heart in ur heart because mine is urs and urs is mine.
We are linked together not for a few moments but for enternity or until the end of time.
I See U

Time passes

I was sitting over a friend house and i put in my vide yearbook and began to wach and my mind instanly started to run back to those years at nova high school, the people the different personailites. Here i am four years wiser and i start to relize that i really haven't gone through a big change as my other fellow students have. Like phillip the jock became a member of a fratenity when he use to always say he will never pertake in any of frats. Roger became a father and grew up, brittany the cheerleader became more invested in school and succeding at it. Janice the crazy dancer became a member of DST. So i guess the point i am trying to make is that time zooms by and passes you by right before your eyes. So enjoy the seconds that you are in because they past by so quickly and you can never get them back. So live for you and for others because always living for others means you might not be happy and what is the point of being in this world if you can not be happy. I habe been on this earth for 22 years and i have truely enjoyed living only for the last 6 years. Yea somethings will go wrong cause of the decison u make but you can say u had fun doing it. So ask yourself are u living in this world or just existing. I know my answer is that i am living what is your answer?

Life Happens WTF you gonna do bout it.

How many of us are guilty of letting the death of someone close to us control our lives, wither its being able to continue to be happy with our lives our unable to celebrate their favorite holiday. How many of you are guilty of letting a past mistake control you? how many of us has ever gotten rejected from something or someone you really wanted and was sad about it for a week, a month, a year, hell maybe longer? last but not least how many of you ever complain about your looks, or your weight? I Am guilty as charged of all of the above. Last night i was watching a movie called "Love Happens" and it made a lot of sense what the main character was talking about. So i woke up this morning with a compelling thought to write a note called "Life Happens"

Every day we go through our own personal lives never really realizing the outcome of our decision. Everyday someone dies, get's rejected, dumped, but we should not let that hinder us from our every day life. When my mother died on December 24, 2005 i was unaware of the impact it had on me. As o lately looking back to the past four years i realized that it did. I was unaware to enjoy the holiday season. I would lock myself up in a room or pull away from the world and just be alone. But as i sit here writing this note i ask you is that what my mother would want? or would she want me to live and go on with my life? I do a lot of things in my life and not think about the consequences because i have not morned her death, i use the excuse i live everyday to the fullest but am i really doing that or am i just running away from feeling what i am feeling. So i ask how many of you out there is doing this same thing running away from yourself so you will not feel the pain of the death/ how many of you feel sad the day the anniversary of someone death comes around. Now ask yourself would your love one want you to feel sad and stop being you, stop being the one they loved just because they died? The answer is probably no, they would want you to celebrate their life by living your own. Remember this people "Life happens" we all will die some day so celebrate live and live yours.

Have you ever did something in your past that you wish you could take back? Well i know i have actually a lot of stuff. Like for example hurting someone who i could have been loving right now. I was dating this person about four years ago and i was everything to them. However i was being young and new to the scene i did not pay any attention to them and i let them slip through my finger tips. one day a year later i am leaving the library at my school and there they were walking right by me. the next day i told one of our mutual friends to give my number to them so i could talk so them and they did we met for a while and we chatted and all these feeling arose from me that i didn't know i had. Well here we are in 2010 and they have been dating this other dude for the past four years, i found out they are happy. Hearing that really made me think that could have been me in a stable relationship. But again even though it was my fault i do not regret it because it was a stepping stone to me gaining the wisdom i have now. As of today i let that mistake go as well as passed mistakes and move on. See "Life Happens" and those very same mistakes that you made are just stepping stones to you becoming more wiser and becoming a better person no need to dwell on them and let them control you.

we can not stop it, it is what we do with it that count use it as a driving force or use it as another weight to hold you down.

So people the point i am trying to make in this note is that "Life Happens" sometimes not in the way we plan or hope for it to happen, but no matter what it does. Just as much good things happen in our lives there is a equal amount of bad you can not grow a flower with out sun and rain. Life teaches us lesson so that we can grow and learn what to do. Somethings we do not have control of but most things we do, like who we date, how we do in school, the type of life we want, and the type of person we are. But the things we can not control do not dwell on them because it is beyond you control just keep on moving into the next moments of your life because 9 times out of 10 they will be better then your last. So remember "life Happens" Wither you want it to or not, so you can either join in and celebrate the good and bad or let it past you by because life waist for no man or woman.A word of advice Mourn the losses, because they're many; but celebrate the victories, because they're few."Life Happens"

Rejected means to refuse to accept (someone or something). How many of us have been rejected before. I had my first rejection back in October of 2009. it was not from a person but from something i wanted to do since i was like the young age of 5. I remember the day i got the letter i swear i thought it was going to say you have been accepted but as i opened it and read the first three lines i felt my world crash down i went into a state of depression for about a week. Constantly questioning myself, asking y i was not good enough to be accepted looking in the mirror telling myself that i am a loser and that i am worthless. I began to eat, i was not going to class and let my hair grow i looked like a straight up bum, ask my sister Asia i didn't even recognize myself, it only lasted bout a week and i got up one morning and told myself i am worthy and if they can't see it i will show them. i took the letter and taped it to my mirror so that everyday i can remind myself that i am worthy and that i am not going to give up. You see rejection can be a good or bad thing depending on the person, like they say when one door closes another one open and it is so true. Thanks to the rejection i was able to travel more and concentrate on school and myself. So you see again people "Life Happen" and

A Decade of Reflections of An Broken Angel

As i sit here on on Tuesday December 29, 2009. i am reminded by everything about the in coming year. So i begin to reflect on this past decade. The good the bad the ugly, This past decade i have come to grow to love myself more and i began to also understand the workings of people. Over this past decade i have had some near death experiences, many deaths, a new mother come into my life and a father leave my life. I have had plenty upset as well as many down falls. However with every fall i have gotten back up and continued on my journey to find chris. So i decided to title this A Decade of Reflections of An Fallen Angel.

I started this decade at the tender age of 13, i was fresh as a teenager and brand new to middle school this was the beginning of my stage where i was learning how to co exist with older kids this was also the time when i was gonna meet my step mother and brothers and sister for the first time. I must say i was not hip to the fact that i was gonna have a step mother but i delt with it. I started school at Nova Middle I hated it so much i wanted to go to Sunrise with many of my Elementry classmates but i digress. It was during my freshman year of middle school i began down the road of depression and the cutting of my self. Not being able to fit in i was so down every day i noticed my blue sky's becoming grey. School was hard and home was even harder. The pressure to do good in school and having to share the attention with five other people was weighing on my nerves and that was when depression started, i was under the constant shadow of my older brother Carnellie that really made it harder because i was unable to make a name for myself. It was until i joined the 7th grade that i was even able to really start to stand out, i was the bomb on the track field, it was on the track that my depression really didnt bother me at all.

When i got home was when depression would kick in, alot of people had no clue, i was doing good in school, i had a great girlfriend, popular, and a track star but i was was still depressed. it all got worse After me and my girlfriend broke up and i entered high school. I attended Nova High School and it was the worse thing ever i hated it so much. Everyday i had to take a drink of Liquar in order to get through the day. I was again a track star and that was the only time i was happy me and my dad were ok and my step mom was ok at times. Depression got the best of me and my grades slipped and my wrist began to bleed. My dad was in my face constantly and my brothers shadow was over my head again but i delt and coped with it all i survived 9th and 10th grade. It wasn't until my 11th grade year that i began to come into my own happiness and the world became clear. My step mom and me were good but my dad and I not so much. You could see our relationship grow further and further apart, but it didn't worry me i was doing good in school and doing great on the track field. my name was in the paper every week everyone was proud of me, except my dad i think well i would never know he never told me my track coach told me but my own father couldn't oh well

The middle of the decade i moved out og my parents house and was my own man i finished high school happier but with the death of my mom , and best friend Donnie, but non the less i finished. I was happy with my self as well as my sexuality. i was in college i was sexy and i was the new dude on the scene and so i took miami by strom i had date after date, and i met some sweet people as well as sum ass whole but each encounter taught me something different and made me better. I was partying hard but going to class less i ended my freshman year of college with a 1.42 gpa, wasn't great but oh well i began to think that school wasn't for me so i left and moved to Atlanta and living in atl i learned the meaning of hard work and went back to school and finished my second year of school with a 1.8, and was in a steady relationship. I continued on with school and brought my G.P.A. up with each semester now it 2.85 and i am great.

Now that i am at the end of the year i look back and i see a survivor. Someone who fought against the odds and came out winning. i have done alot in my life that i should be locked up for and should be dead but i do not apologize for them because it made me stronger. I have made some cool friends as well as some enemies. I have had some great as relationships and sum horrible ones nevertheless i have learned from both. I have become good frriends with my Step mother i love till this day and have grown to dislike my father. do i think we will patch that relationship up who know but do i care if we do hell no. I am broken but i am mending myself back together with each passing day. Those people that throw dirt on my name i think you because it is you who help me get stronger with every tear. I accept the person i am and i love me I ma Black, Bi-sexual, and i am living with both so those out there who do not like I do not care i love it. So you see this Decade i may have been a broken angel i am cool with that because i know that this new decade i will be better i am imperfect and i love that bout me. So am i gonna say that the year 2010 is gonna be my year hell no, why should i only make a year my year. My whole life ie my time and i am living everyday like it's my last so Remember Fuck'em all every last one of them. Damnit i am happy i am truly happy. How many of you can say that. So good bye this decade and hello to the rest of my life
Sincerely,
A Broken Angel

Time Traveling

What if you could time travel? but the only draw back is you can not control when or where you travel to. You only travel to major events in your life because they are like gravity they pull you in.When you jump through time you see the past but you can not change the out come of what has been. How would you live your life, would you try to start a family, would you stay by yourself because you do not want to be selfish and bring someone else in the world. Could you imagine seeing major events in your life over and over again. Weddings, deaths, children being born, mistakes you made. If you knew the knowledge of the future would you change the way you are living today? Would you take that left turn instead of the right turn? Would you wear Blue instead of green today? would you save that 2o dollar bill instead of wasting it on the movies. With the knowledge of the future you could also change what is meant to be by taking the path that you were meant to take. So again i ask you if you had the power to time travel how would you use it, if you knew how you were going to die, what would you do?