A Decade of Reflections of An Broken Angel

As i sit here on on Tuesday December 29, 2009. i am reminded by everything about the in coming year. So i begin to reflect on this past decade. The good the bad the ugly, This past decade i have come to grow to love myself more and i began to also understand the workings of people. Over this past decade i have had some near death experiences, many deaths, a new mother come into my life and a father leave my life. I have had plenty upset as well as many down falls. However with every fall i have gotten back up and continued on my journey to find chris. So i decided to title this A Decade of Reflections of An Fallen Angel.

I started this decade at the tender age of 13, i was fresh as a teenager and brand new to middle school this was the beginning of my stage where i was learning how to co exist with older kids this was also the time when i was gonna meet my step mother and brothers and sister for the first time. I must say i was not hip to the fact that i was gonna have a step mother but i delt with it. I started school at Nova Middle I hated it so much i wanted to go to Sunrise with many of my Elementry classmates but i digress. It was during my freshman year of middle school i began down the road of depression and the cutting of my self. Not being able to fit in i was so down every day i noticed my blue sky's becoming grey. School was hard and home was even harder. The pressure to do good in school and having to share the attention with five other people was weighing on my nerves and that was when depression started, i was under the constant shadow of my older brother Carnellie that really made it harder because i was unable to make a name for myself. It was until i joined the 7th grade that i was even able to really start to stand out, i was the bomb on the track field, it was on the track that my depression really didnt bother me at all.

When i got home was when depression would kick in, alot of people had no clue, i was doing good in school, i had a great girlfriend, popular, and a track star but i was was still depressed. it all got worse After me and my girlfriend broke up and i entered high school. I attended Nova High School and it was the worse thing ever i hated it so much. Everyday i had to take a drink of Liquar in order to get through the day. I was again a track star and that was the only time i was happy me and my dad were ok and my step mom was ok at times. Depression got the best of me and my grades slipped and my wrist began to bleed. My dad was in my face constantly and my brothers shadow was over my head again but i delt and coped with it all i survived 9th and 10th grade. It wasn't until my 11th grade year that i began to come into my own happiness and the world became clear. My step mom and me were good but my dad and I not so much. You could see our relationship grow further and further apart, but it didn't worry me i was doing good in school and doing great on the track field. my name was in the paper every week everyone was proud of me, except my dad i think well i would never know he never told me my track coach told me but my own father couldn't oh well

The middle of the decade i moved out og my parents house and was my own man i finished high school happier but with the death of my mom , and best friend Donnie, but non the less i finished. I was happy with my self as well as my sexuality. i was in college i was sexy and i was the new dude on the scene and so i took miami by strom i had date after date, and i met some sweet people as well as sum ass whole but each encounter taught me something different and made me better. I was partying hard but going to class less i ended my freshman year of college with a 1.42 gpa, wasn't great but oh well i began to think that school wasn't for me so i left and moved to Atlanta and living in atl i learned the meaning of hard work and went back to school and finished my second year of school with a 1.8, and was in a steady relationship. I continued on with school and brought my G.P.A. up with each semester now it 2.85 and i am great.

Now that i am at the end of the year i look back and i see a survivor. Someone who fought against the odds and came out winning. i have done alot in my life that i should be locked up for and should be dead but i do not apologize for them because it made me stronger. I have made some cool friends as well as some enemies. I have had some great as relationships and sum horrible ones nevertheless i have learned from both. I have become good frriends with my Step mother i love till this day and have grown to dislike my father. do i think we will patch that relationship up who know but do i care if we do hell no. I am broken but i am mending myself back together with each passing day. Those people that throw dirt on my name i think you because it is you who help me get stronger with every tear. I accept the person i am and i love me I ma Black, Bi-sexual, and i am living with both so those out there who do not like I do not care i love it. So you see this Decade i may have been a broken angel i am cool with that because i know that this new decade i will be better i am imperfect and i love that bout me. So am i gonna say that the year 2010 is gonna be my year hell no, why should i only make a year my year. My whole life ie my time and i am living everyday like it's my last so Remember Fuck'em all every last one of them. Damnit i am happy i am truly happy. How many of you can say that. So good bye this decade and hello to the rest of my life
Sincerely,
A Broken Angel